I Know Right, I Ain’t Gonna Live A Long Life

I can’t remember when it exactly started but I guess it has been a week or more now. I can’t breathe properly, my chest is so tight. At first I thought I was just full but then why even I haven’t eaten still I feel the same. This is something scary. I feel like at anytime I’m gonna lose my mind. I’ve cried because I breathe hardly and I don’t have any family near me in here to take care of me. I had this idea of goin to a hospital for a check up but I can’t do it alone. I’m really scared of the possible results. Just this morning I googled my case and there are these similar symptoms of serious illness. Wuaa!! I wanna scream out loud. Why is this happening to me? Am I gonna die soon? Alright, if I am, I want to write and write my thoughts on my blogs while I’m still alive. If i’m sounding like O.A., Sorry but it’s what I feel like now. I can take having a fever, dysmenorrhea, cough, cold or painful body than having this condition of breathing hardly. ;-( Ohwell, I’m still thinking positively. 😉

Like I said I want to write and write coz’ I know these might stay longer than I could. And writing has been my way of getting rid of stress, and has been my way of bursting my feelings. So, I’ll start it when the day I came back here in the Philippines that was  first week of June this year. As I expected, I was late in college for the whole week but thanks to my friends they’d been there supporting me and helping me to adjust myself again coz’ I was fresh from Saudi Arabia and I stayed there for more than 2 months. Thanks to my college friends who make my first week easy for me. I was so thankful coz without them, everything would be so difficult for me to handle. I moved to a dormitory which looks like a pad and which is strictly for Muslim girls only. I was alone in that room, mom was with me too to help me in moving to my dorm. She helped me bought the things I needed for a home. She’d been staying here for more than a month but she spent it more with other people than to me, but I don’t feel bad bout that.. She had to visit our provinces because she had important family matters to handle and I couldn’t question that. But there was this bad thing happened on me in that dormitory so I moved back to the apartment where I stayed last year. I’ve been adjusted now, mom is now in our family in Saudi Arabia. I’m here making my goals. Allah ( SWT ) is always good. I can feel it. Though my family and trusted people aren’t here beside me, I know I ain’t alone coz’  my faith brings me near Him.

This semester has been so cruel since it started. Studying Physics, Biology and Chemistry at the same time gonna make us insane. My schedule is so tight. It is just in this semester when I feel that sleeping more than 5hrs is a sin. I had a hard time adjusting my sleeping/studying time. Before, I felt sleepy at 9pm and I need to sleep atleast 8hrs a day or else I’d  have a headache. I needed to lessen my sleep to 5hrs and I need to sleep at 12pm. It took a lot of practice and determination for me to achieve my goal and I succeed. 😉

 

I think, I must stop this post in here. I have to study for Physics and Chemistry, make my report in Biology and chemistry and review for Philippine history, and practice solving problems in Plane Trigonometry. ~ Rabi Zidnee Ilma. This entry starts my posting in here every weekend.  🙂

Sometimes, What our minds think contrasts what our hearts feel

The reason why I don’t usually sleep since the start of my vacation here in saudi arabia is that, I don’t want to make an 8 hr sleeping not seeing the people around me. I want to be awake all the time, to atleast feel that I’m actually here. I want to believe that I’m not dreaming and I must cherish every single second with my family and being in Jeddah again. This is what I was always wishing for when I was in the Philippines, so it isn’t easy for me to just waste every moments with them. Last time I wrote about my ePassport. Alhamdulillah, my ePassport was released in just a day. I and my parents were so exhausted that day because we’d been through very difficult process in making my ePassport released that day. Because, at first they said we must come back again on June 4 because there were a lot of applicants, and if we did follow that, I’ll be late for school really. The moment when someone in the consulate told us that it’s impossible for us to get my ePassport that the same day, I felt really sad like my heart was about to cry. Maybe because, I don’t want to be late in school, I don’t want to stop schooling, I want to graduate soon, I want to be a doctor soon, I want to be successful, I can’t wait to show my parents how successful they are in raising a daughter who is successful. Those were the things that came into my mind. That shows how zealous I am in finishing my studies. I’m not just doing this just for myself, I’m doing this for my loving parents, Im dedicating my every achievement to them. That’s how much I love them, and that’s the only reason for me to show how thankful I am for having such loving parents. It’s my way to say, MOM AND DAD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING. Those were the things that were running on my mind, ‘what if I didn’t get this passport today, what’ll happen to me? I’ll definetly be continuing my studies next semester’ such things were what I was thinking. Fortunately, because I trust only God in everything. He made it easy for us. Allahu Akbar!

But, sometimes… What our minds think contrasts what our hearts feel. When I was holding my ePassport, I was very glad that time because finally It’s sure that I’m gonna continue my studies this semester. Everything turns different when I came home and realized that, I’m gonna leave soon. My happy face turned sad. My eager mind thought differently, WHAT IFs questions bugged my mind. Until now, my heart is about to cry. I don’t know when this will burst out. It’s never easy for me to leave my family and live alone in the Philippines with no one to trust. I got a brother in there, but we aren’t close and we aren’t staying in the same island. I got relatives but not the people I grew up with. My heart knows how much I cried during my 1st  year of stay in the Philippines, It wasn’t easy really. It was so tough and I was always about to give up. I was thinking to give up because I want to be with my parents, it’ll be easier for me if they’re with me. I was about to give up because I saw the bad side of the world clearer. Every time I was about to give up, my mind was going to fought my heart. My mind was going to soothe me and encourage me, my mind was going to make me realized some things.

Anytime this week or next week, I’m leaving. I don’t know when the exact date but I know it’s soon. Everything has really its end, I won’t argue with that. Just, I’m scared to cry and cry again. IT’S NEVER EASY TO BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, BUT I’LL DO IT. THIS IS FOR THEM! 🙂

Babbles Of A Zealous Author

A lot things happened this month. It’d be fun for me to finally post again here. As the entire planet Earth preparing for calamities, the individuals are also busy solving their problems. Last week, I watched a news program on TV and the news that I reacted was about the prediction of Harold Camping that the Judgment day would start on the 21st of May and will  last til 5 months? And on twitter an #endoftheworld topic trended on twitter the day before 21st. Although some trembled in fear and believed it, still majority didn’t believe that it’d happen. Only God really knows when it’ll happen and the majority from any race, religion and tribe agreed to that. Everyone must be prepared for the last day coz’ it’s the day that is not to be announced coz’ no one knows it. Everyone must be prepared before they sleep as if it’s our last sleep in here. 🙂

Summer is about to end. And the Filipino students, excited or not, are already preparing themselves for the near opening of schools. I’m currently in Saudi Arabia and I am missing those days when the school opening was near, I and my friends were so excited for the new chapter of our lives. I am missing those days when I was busy preparing myself for school with of course new stuffs. I’m not a part of the IPSJ family anymore, I was graduated in highschool last 2010 and that ends my IPSJ life. Although, it ended for a year now the memories are still fresh for me and I will never forget those good things that happened to me. IPSJ wasn’t just my school, it was my 2nd home. It thought me a lot of things that I’m very thankful at. BTW, yesterday was the day when I took my first step entering IPSJ since I graduated. It changes a lot with a lot of new people and new school logo. IPSJ will always be a great school because its students are making it great always, they never fail the expectations of people. THANKYOU IPSJ! 🙂

Last Wednesday was a memorable and happy day for me, though it was a simple day coz everything wasn’t prepared. Still, it made my day so memorable. Last Tuesday, someone called my mom.. It was my best friend’s mom, then my mom gave the phone to me and she said there was someone who wants to talk to me… I asked who but she just said, it was a surprise. That was weird but still I picked the phone. It surprised me that the one on the phone wasn’t the mom of my best friend but my best friend herself. I was shocked coz’ I was expecting that she was still at the Philippines. I got no news that she’d have her flight off to KSA. She surprised us even her own mom. Then, our moms who are always happy whenever they see us together, planned again for us to have a bonding time together. We went out the following day, Wednesday, with out moms. It was a very happy day! We had talked a lot but that one day wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, this Sunday she’ll go back to Phil that soon. But she said, she’ll visit me before she will leave. I so miss our happy  moments together way back when we were still young girls. We played, we misunderstood, we annoyed, we laughed. We’re best friends forever! Though, we’ve met a lot of new close friends together, still being with each other is different.. it’s something special, we’re more than best friends, we’re sisters of different parents. I wish we’ll stay friends til we got our wrinkles and stress marks. I love you, BFF!

Is my blog going too long? Sorry but I still have a lot to share. Last Thursday morning, my big brother woke me up so early because our Dad called him that he’d be coming from Yanbu that  early because we need to go to the consulate for my Passport and Visa. I prepared and he came, we went to the consulate with mom  and my little brother and unfortunately the consul wasn’t there. because he was in Riyadh. They said, we must come back on Saturday. Although it was a bit relief knowing that there’s a big possibility that my passport will be extended and my visa will be renewed in just a day, still my mind doesn’t stop worrying. I’m worrying and the WHAT IF’s thoughts bother me a lot. Later we’ll go to the consulate again and I’m really worried right now. I’m praying for these stuffs to be okay. Although, it’ll be hard for me to be away from my family again, I still want to go back to Phil to pursue my studies. I’m doing this not for myself only but also for my family. I want to finish my studies for them to be proud of me. I want my parents to be proud of themselves because they’ve raised a successful daughter. I have to go back to Philippines, I have to pursue my studies, I don’t want to fail my family. I hope my passport and visa will be okay later. Insha’Allah.

I got a lot to share. Here’s my another story, An hour ago was a Friday, it was a very long day for me. We got a  lot of visitors and of course served them. It’s already a part of our culture to invite people to one’s house if they have a close relative who died. Last Wednesday, my big brother’s father-in-law died. That’s the reason why we invited our relatives here in Saudi Arabia and served them. Same thing in the  Philippines, my sister-in-law’s family were busy. It was a tiring day for me and those who helped in serving those visitors. My body still hurt but helping them worth it all. I am willing in helping people especially during times like that when they really need help.

I’ll end my prattling here.

Loathsome

If you are a Filipino for sure you are familiar of the word CHISMOSO/CHISMOSA. This is the term suitable for people who don’t have nothing else to do but to talk about other people. They are those people who have poor minds, I’m sorry but it’s true. If you are talking about other people and make stories that aren’t true about them then you are just proving how nasty and poor your mind is. Sorry for those who are fond of talking about peoples. If you are one of them, I want you to know you are disgusting not just to me but also to all educated and great men. I loathe your type, guys. I hate you so much!

I am saying this because I’ve been a suspect in seeing a lot of chitchats of cliques of young and old people talking about others; I am saying this because I’ve been also a victim of being a topic of peoples who don’t have jobs to do. They talk about one’s bad and good sides. They make one’s scruffy personality pretty, and make one’s kind personality nasty. WTH! Why don’t they scrutinize every single information bout themselves? Why don’t they talk about themselves? At least, that will help for them to be better in every aspects of life.

They are those backbiters, I remember what my teacher in HS told me.. If you are backbiting it’s like you’re eating your brother’s flesh, She has read it from a book or if I am not mistaken from the Qur’an. See? How bad backbiting is.

The Author Needs To Be Back In Phil.

WHOH! Yesterday was my birthday and today is the first day of my 17th year in this world.

I have this fever of tweeting, I call it TWEEVER. I’ve been active again on twitter since the start of my vacation here in Saudi Arabia. Just a month ago when I decided to change my username again. From enncapal to missbiologist and now @MISS7TEENN. I hope this will be my last username. for the year. I have this idea of changing it again to miss8teenn at my 18th birthday, if at that time.. TWITTER is still working and if I am still active on it. But this isn’t really related to this entry’s title. THE AUTHOR NEEDS TO BE BACK IN PHIL, What does this mean? Okay, here it is. I am always saying since my vacation started that I am so happy and I am enjoying my every single minute with my family because I’d been away for a year. I feel that I am in dreamland because I am with my family, although there were misunderstandings sometimes, being with my family is always a happy memory. I am enjoying a lot and I can’t deny that I haven’t wished that I want to stay longer… But, that’s only IF IT’S POSSIBLE. I mean, If I don’t really care with my studies… Okay fine, I can stay as long as I want and I can stop schooling for the meantime. The gist is, I do care a lot for my studies and that’s why I have to be back in the Philippines before the classes start. I need to be back for college, I need to leave Saudi Arabia and my family again for college. There’s only one thing that is a big problem for me right now. There’s a big possibility that I will be late in college, I may have my flight in 1st or 2nd week of June which is really a conflict for me. I have to be there as soon as this month ends. My Iqama ( Residence Card ) is still in renewal and it’s still not out because of certain reasons about my sister in law. If my Iqama isn’t out yet then the renewal of my passport will not be renewed which is already expired. If I just knew it when I was in the Philippines that my passport was going to be expired soon, then I should be the one renewing it in the Philippines. Ugh! I still have to wait now til my passport is out, it’ll be out in a month. I want to stay here longer but I need to be back in Phil. What am I gonna do now? nothing but to wait. I trust Allah ( SWT ) He is the only one who knows everything that will happen and who knows everything that is best for us.

My Failures, My Test <3

A year ago. I was so excited to be in college. I was so excited to study in the Philippines. I was so excited to have a new life. I was so excited in everything I’d have but my first year in college and in settling in the Philippines weren’t easy. It was fun because I was able to meet new people, great men, relatives, friends and it helped me in molding the character I am now. I am now officially a 17-year old person and I am happy for being me. I am happy and thankful for every blessing I have – And, a blessing for me isn’t just about having the cool gadgets in this generation nor having a very comfortable living.  For me, the feeling of being happy and the ability to smile at people are blessings. The ability to learn and share, is a blessing. The ability to inspire and be inspired, is a blessing. The ability to serve, is a blessing. I thank Allah ( SWT ) for those blessings I have. I am also taking those failures and falls as blessings-in-disguise, did you get what I mean? I mean, if failures and falls knock you down, it is because of reasons. It may help you to be stronger in facing life and it will teach you lessons that you will be thankful at in the end. Every single hardship that you are going through is just a test, it is up to you if you’ll gonna pass it or you’ll give up.

I am really an optimistic person. If you try to look at my previous blogs you’ll see it right. What’s being a pessimistic for? I am not saying you can’t be sad at those failures, we can’t control it. If failures beat us, then it will really disappoint us.. but disappointment must not last long. We always have to move on, because TIME doesn’t wait for us. We are the one that needs to fly together with the time. Don’t waste even a second. ` Live as if it’s your last day but dream as if you’ll live longer.

My newest failure in life happened in college. Here’s the story. As I said, my first year in college and my first year stay in the Philippines weren’t easy. I had so much hardships that almost made me to give up. I cried liters of tears and had sad moments everyday. It wasn’t easy to live alone in a new country with a new people. There’s always a touch of sadness in my eyes. I was that sad because every time I am missing my family I don’t have the power to hug them tight right at those moments. I don’t have the power to kiss them but only to look at their photos. Everything would be easy if they were with me. But, my family should stay here in KSA. It isn’t yet the time for my whole family to settle in the Philippines. My family still have to stay here in KSA, my family have been already living here for 30 years. That’s why I will stay alone in the Philippines in my entire college life. So, when I was there.. I always had the fever of homesickness that put an effect to my studies. I’d been always committing absences in my first semester that made me gain AF grade in English.In my second semester, I realized my purpose why I am away from my family, and it’s because of my studies. I strived hard, but still my homesickness didn’t leave me.. My math was affected, I got an F-grade in math. I must had to attend summer classes for me to be qualified in second year as a regular student. But, I now have my vacation here in KSA and decided to stay here the whole summer because I really want to be with my family. I wasn’t able to attend summer classes. My classmate informed me that those students who didn’t pass the MATH2 will not  e able to take the subjects like PHYSICS, CHEM, BIO for this coming semester. It’s just shows that I will be an irregular student this semester. I was sad for a bit, but the next day… I THOUGHT AT THE POSITIVE SIDE. That failure teaches me to be more responsible now when it comes to college thing.

 

~ THE GREATEST FAILURE IS THE FAILURE TO TRY ~

I survived the 365 days in my 16th year of existence

Part 1? Yes, I have 2 days in celebrating my birthday this year. May 11 and May 12. Here’s the reason why. Since I was a little girl til’ I grew up we were celebrating my birthday every 12th of may. It’s my real birthday. But due to lacking of a bit more knowledge to that someone who recorded my birthday on my birth certificate as may 11, I need to get used that my birthday on papers is on every 11th of May. I was born In dawn of 12th which they might thought that it was still night of 11th. I just knew it last year when I was looking into my papers for my flight to the Philippines and papers for my entrance examinations. I saw it on my passport and that’s it. I changed my birthday on face book.

If I will be asked, when will I celebrate my birthday. I’ll make it tomorrow! The birthday that I’m used to. The birthday that my family and close friends also knew. But, tomorrow isn’t gonna be a Birthday-Party Day for me. Even though It’s my birthday, my family stopped making a party for our birthdays for Islamic reasons. We are celebrating our birthday together as a family. We eat together, give some present and making our day happy because of the reason that, we had survived a year in our life.  

WOW! tomorrow will be a happy day for me for sure. My dad is coming again here in Jeddah from Yanbu. He’s staying with us here every weekends since he has a work in there but he’ll gonna work here again in a month. My dad has really an amazing job. We have inhabited the entire kingdom because of my dad and that’s also made my life an enjoying journey. I’m excited for my birthday tomorrow because we’ll be together again. I want to make memories with my family now. I only have a few weeks left to be with them. I don’t know how to live another year again in the Philippines without them. Sigh! I so love them no matter what!

Few Facts About Me For My New Blog

I’ve noticed that I hadn’t had much about me facts in here so I got this idea to post something about myself. I answered this About Me Survey from myspace. Sorry for the missing 1 question. :))

50 Things About Me Survey
Have fun answering this cool survey!
1. What is your best friends name?	Senior Scorpions
2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now?	None of your business! HAHAHAH!
3. What are you listening to right now?	Please Don’t Go
4. Whats your favorite number?	02
5. What was the last thing you ate?	Chocolate Cake
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?	Red
7. How is the weather right now?	COOOOLD!
8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone?	Dad
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?	Hairdo
10. Do you have a significant other?	I didn’t get it
11. Favorite TV show?	SHOWTIME
12. Siblings?	I have 3 cool brothers
13. Height?	5ft
14. Hair color?	black with shade of brown
15. Eye Color?	black
16. Do you wear contacts?	No, But I was.
17. Favorite Holiday?	All
18. Month?	May
19. Have you ever cried for no reason?	Yes
20. What was the last movie you watched?	Dolls
21. Favorite Day of the Year?	My birthday
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?	Yes
23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?	No
24. Hugs or Kisses?	Hugs
25. Chocolate or Vanilla?	Chocolate
26. Do you want your friends to respond to this?	Yes
27. Who is most likely to respond?	IDK
28. Who is least likely to respond?	IDK
29. What books are you reading?	Anything about religion
30. Piercings?	No
31. Favorite movies?	Chickflicks
32. Favorite football Team?	None
33. what were u doing before this?	Watching
34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?	Butter
37. Dogs or cats?	Neither
38. Favorite flower?	None.. Allergic!
39. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?	Hmmm
40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?	I had
41. Have you ever loved someone?	Yes
42. Who would you like to see right now?	Senior Scorpions
43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?	No
44. Have you ever fired a gun?	No
45. Do you like to travel by plane?	Yes
46. Right-handed or Left-handed?	Right
47. How many pillows do you sleep with?	2
48. Are you missing someone?	Yes
49. Do you have a Tattoo?	No
Take this survey

Make Your Favorite Fairytale Come True

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Hello! I feel so guilty for today. I did nothing but a nonsense. I just tweeted all day and heat my head on. Did nothing good. It’s bad I know. Haaay. It’s a big deal for me since I’m doing everything to make every single day of mine worth it. I just got pressure of how the people around me keep on looking at me. Some are expecting much from me while some keep on looking at my past mistakes. I gotta make it up to them. To get their trusts back again, to know who really Naj is. I need to clean my name, for my family and myself. Being in this tribe I’m in, Isn’t easy. The only important for them is the fame, reputation and financial status. See, I’m making everyday of mine productive because I think in that I’ll meet my success. That is why whenever I waste a day, I feel so sad. I, myself, too expect much from myself. Hooo! Is this how I talk now? Honestly, I feel strange because of these changes in me now. I don’t know, maybe my first year in college was a big reason in these changes. That’s it. I wish to have a productive day tomorrow. I will do my best. I’m excited for my next post. 😉

Eh, Welcome WordPress!

Haha! Am I sounding weird? I’m welcoming WordPress. Well, WordPress already sent me an email that meant they’re already welcoming me here on WordPress. It’s my turn to welcome WordPress into my life. That sounds just cool right? LOL! I already used WordPress before but after a few posts I returned to Blogger Because of some uncomfortable feeling I felt using WordPress, no offense friends; that was also maybe because I was new on WordPress and used to Blogger as my blogsite. I just created a WordPress account a few days ago and I  could say that I’m learning here on WordPress a lot and I found this blogging site amaziiiiiiiing. Blogging again here on WordPress doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my old blog page on Blogger but I’m just looking for some cool stuff to spice up my blogging hobby. For now, I’m still happy blogging here on WordPress. I’m expecting so much from this site. 😉